SOMETIMES IT’S JUST BETTER TO RECEIVE…

Now that we’re past the expected generous spirit of the holidays— let’s talk about a truth that’s been hiding in plain sight: sometimes it’s just better to receive. Not abstractly— but in the realm of intimacy, where giving and receiving aren’t just metaphors, they’re real, palpable experiences that shape how we connect, unwind, and even heal.

For too long, cultural narratives around sexual pleasure have centered a certain performance script: men give, women merely take what they are given. And if women do speak up about wanting pleasure, especially specific kinds of attention… well, they’ve often been met with eye-rolls, jokes, or worse, clueless fumbling. This has left many women wondering: why does receiving feel so good? And why does it seem rarer in actual practice? Why am I the only one always giving?

Why “She Comes First” Struck a Chord

Enter She Comes First, a book that became something of a modern classic in the conversation about women’s pleasure. Rather than titillating with salacious detail (and thank goodness for that), author Ian Kerner approached the topic with respect, insight, and practical emphasis on understanding female physiology and experience. The book’s popularity isn’t just because its title is clever — it’s because it puts women’s pleasure on equal footing with men in the bedroom.

Kerner’s message — that paying attention to the partner’s experience matters — resonated with readers across genders, but especially women. For many women, it was the first time they saw their pleasure recognized and validated in a mainstream way. For many enlightened men, it was a welcome, insightful guide — a reminder that there’s joy and connection in mindful giving and receiving.

What Happens in a Woman’s Body When Pleasure Peaks?

When a woman experiences strong sexual pleasure, the body doesn’t just “feel good.” There are cascading hormonal and neurological responses:

• Her brain releases oxytocin, sometimes called the “bonding hormone,” which fosters trust and closeness.

• Endorphins — the body’s natural painkillers — flood the system, creating relaxation and euphoria.

• Blood flow and nerve sensitivity increase in erogenous zones, heightening sensation and receptivity.

Studies on sexual response (including work published in journals like The Journal of Sexual Medicine) have shown that orgasmic experiences are associated with measurable changes in heart rate, breathing, and hormone levels that reduce stress and promote overall well-being. Context matters too — a sense of safety, consent, and mutual enjoyment amplifies these physiological effects.

So when we say pleasure is “delightful,” we’re not being cute — we’re describing a rich interplay of body and mind that contributes to emotional bonding, stress reduction, and physical satisfaction.

The “Oral Divide”: A Statistic Worth Noticing

Across many surveys on sexual behavior and satisfaction, there’s a pattern that keeps showing up: men report receiving oral sex much more frequently than women do. While reports vary based on age, relationship status, and cultural context, the trend — sometimes dubbed the “oral divide” — suggests a disparity in who gets attention and who gives it. And women are on the lonely, losing side of the divide.

To be clear: this isn’t a moral indictment of anyone’s personal life, but it is a commentary on social norms. Historically, sexual scripts have encouraged men to be assertive and women to be accommodating. That can translate into scenarios where women take care of their partner’s pleasure first — and sometimes exclusively — while their own desires go unspoken or unmet.

If that doesn’t make you laugh and cry at the same time, I don’t know what will.

The Injustice of Unequal Pleasure 

Unequal pleasure in relationships is like being served a delicious three-course meal, and someone accidentally forgetting the dessert you were most excited about. You mght smile and say it’s fine… but inside you’re like, “Really?!” It’s just not okay.

And trust me, I’ve seen the wide eyes, the nervous chuckles, the ever-present cultural baggage that says:

“Men deserve pleasure.”
“Women should be selfless.”
“Asking for what you want is bold, strange, or even unladylike.”

To which I say: the priority queue for pleasure needs to change!

Women are not mere pleasure sidekicks. They are full-fledged, nuanced human beings with nervous systems, preferences, and magnificent capacities for sexual pleasure that men cannot even imagine. And unsatisfied women often gather varying levels of resentment when their desires are ignored for the umpteenth time. 

And rightfully so.

A Battle Cry for Balanced Pleasure

So here’s my rallying call to all the pleasure-seekers, the equal-righters, the curious, the weary, the brave, and the bewildered:

Ladies — demand what feels good.

Partners — listen. Learn. Respond.

Everyone — delight in giving and receiving pleasure with intention and respect.

Because sometimes — let’s face it — it really is just better to receive.

Not as a passive default… but as a joyful, embodied choice that you speak up for, you enjoy, and you celebrate.

Here’s to closing the “oral divide,” elevating pleasure equity, and making sure everyone at the table gets the treat they deserve.

YoniMaster Rick